To anyone reading this blog – it has moved to the www.weaponsofstupidity.com site (www.weaponsofstupidity.com/blogs/werant)
This means that
NO NEW MATERIAL WILL BE ADDED HERE
COMMENTS WILL GO UNSEEN
AND EVENTUALLY DELETED
go to the Weapons of Mass Stupidity site cos it has more stuff anyway
If you watch the news, or follow KFC ads obsessively, then you’ll know that the KFC ad in which a white guy is surrounded by dark coloured cricket fans offers them all chicken because he finds that situation awkward. If you found that explanation confusing, lets simplify things:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FftZt-Dw_hQ
Seriously – what is it about this ad thats racist?
Is it the fact that a white guy surrounded by black people is apparantly awkward?
or
The fact that he shuts em up with chicken?
I don’t know and the accusations vary too. But seriously, lets try and focus one what KFC was trying to say here.
……
I’m not too clear on that either. But I think they were trying to say one of two things -
When surrounded by strangers, KFC is a common interest cos apparantly is awesome
or
The shut annoying people up with chicken theory that the anti racist people suggested.
But let me get this straight, comedians and comedy shows are racist all the time and its hilarious (it really is…) and its okay to laugh at racism, but not to make an ad that has a small joke which may be racist (or just a message that has been badly sent and recieved)
Thanks for the screwed up messages society. Don’t you worry bout those people you’re confusing….
I have taken a shot at the news many times, complaining about the shit actually qualifying as news, but now i take a shot at the fact at how they manage to add the totally unneccassary and get away with it. It’s happens almost everyday. Have you ever noticed, that when they do a report about someone getting into trouble, or getting attacked, they show a zoomed in photo of the persons face (which takes up most of the screen) and then they BLUR the photo. Great, we are seeing a blur for news, for 5 seconds a day. I want my five seconds back!!!.
This whole thing caught my attention when the news said this: Malcolm Turnbul has said that Tony Abotts claim that cut emissions at a low cost was: bullshit. The word bullshit however was bleeped out, but the quote was on the screen in text, however and then BULLSHIT in quotations, filled the screen. What was the point of that?! What you spared the two year olds who cant yet read, but were for some reason watching the news? Thanks. I’m sure they appreciated that.
But, it could have been deliberate. For people who work at listen to the news, I bet they were like ‘OOHH he said what?’ They focus on the news and read the word bullshit, realizing nothing important was done…
You know how you make jokes with your friends, and mock things going on around you – knowing that behind your jokes is a great deal of truth. Yet nobody gets to hear your genius. Shame really.
That is why we are releasing We Rant.
Basically it’s Hear Me Rant but for you.
If you have something that makes you angry and you want to release it the world… relatively harmlessly. Or if you still want to just surf aimlessly thorugh the rants and ramblings of 2 guys with no lives…
Then Hear Me Rant is for you! Expect to see it released soon.
Have you ever struggled to add a title to your story, or name charactors?
Well, you’re not the only one, cos the beverage companies have sunk to a new low when it comes to naming their products.
Coffee names have always pissed me off. I mean, by adding a bit of cream/milk to the coffe, you’ve actually added about an hour to the coffees name. There are so many damn types of coffee, all with different names, yet theres very little difference in the drink itself. Heres a few of the coffee names I could find:
Instant coffee
Flavored coffee
Black Coffee
White Coffee
Iced coffee
A Shot in the Dark
Double Shot
Cafe au Lait
Cappuccino
Dry Capuccimo
Macchiato
Expresso
Espresso Con Panna
Cafe Breva
Caffe Latte
Cafe Macchiato
Hammerhead
Greek Coffee
Indian filter coffee
Americano
Irish coffee
Turkish Coffee
Vietnamese Coffee
Kopi Tubruk
Lungo
Frappe
Melya
Mocha
Oliang
Ristretto
And lets not get started on the combos. Frigging hell. So damn long. How do people keep up with this shit? Who wants an italian-half-caf-express-white-oneshot-mochacinno with ice?
So ok, coffees a pain in the ass, but has anyone heard of the alcohol names? Some are weird like, GodFather, GodMother and GodDaughter. Some are a little gay like, Fallen Angel, and Dark Kiss. But some are just plain stupid, which brings me to my personal favourite – Kick in the Balls.
Now one cant help but imagine the situation where a man is standing at a bar and says
“hey can i have a kick in the balls”
or
“Man i really want a kick in the balls right now”
or even more funny when a chick requests a kick in the balls.
Anyway, laying off alcohol, soft drinks have pretty random names too. I mean the new soft drink being sold at school called ‘LOL’ was funny at first, but whos to stop a company naming there drink something funny? Apparantly the government didn’t find it too funny when a company named their drink ‘Cocaine.’
I suppose they didnt want children saying to their mothers that theyre going out with some friends to buy some cocaine…
(A rant done for all those people who got shattered this valentines)
What has the world come to? Kids in Kindy and year 1 are swearing like Ramsey nowadays. Shows and movies have more sexual references, and swearing and violence, yet the rating get more and more lenient. Youd be surprised to see whats still G…and dont get me started on PG.
But seriously, stupid media has screwed up the minds of the people. Everyone wants their lives to go like a movie – at least their love lives anyway…
I mean people in high schools are freaking love obbsessed. Seriously, the ‘Truth’ in truth or dare, is now always: ‘who do you like?’ or ‘whos the hottest in the grade’ or ‘name your top 5.’ What the hell. I dont have a freaking top 5!!!! And the reaction to that is always: aww everyone has a top 5…(B**ches: excuse me for not sitting there wasting my time figuring out who i lik most of the random chicks i never talk to)
I mean, cmon, how plausible are movies anyway. I will generalize and break down any romance drama. Person A falls for Person B. Person B is currently going out with someone who is an asshole, but Person B doesn’t know this. Person A reveals this, and through this offends Person B somehow. But not to worry – They fall in love at the end of the movie when Person A does a large romatic speech. I mean, the things people are doing because it works in the movies…
In real life, that shit dont work. In real life: love at first sight – is just having a boner (a term not restricted to guys) and the guts to ask out someone who you’ve never talked to. Seriously, looking at someone whos personality you can only guess, then claiming they are your new undenying love? Wth.
I will beat down anyone who tells me theyre willing to do something stupid for one or both of the following:
(1) I love them (and barely know him/her) and they have made it abundantly clear they don’t feel the same way. I know i can make them like me -wth- [Thats right all you high school lovers. That shit dont work - ever.]
(2) It worked in the movies
(3) Dude, leave me alone – its love -I have to do this… (dumbass – sure you do)
Also, i will shoot down anyone, who lives by this line: if hes mean to you – he likes you. What-The-@#$% . NOO. That is not true at all. I mean to everybody, wtf is that supposed to mean. The person who first said that was thinking: some people are too shy to talk to the one they like, so they make small jokes, and see this as the only contact they can make. But along comes hollywood and makes people think that the first person that comes up to you and starts swearing and makes it clear in all ways he hates you – secretly likes you. I mean there IS a difference between
‘If he hates you, he likes you’
and
‘If he likes you, he pretends to hate you’
This doesnt not mean everyone who insults you is in love with you. Jeez. I mean the way people look at it now – its like comparing a small, friendly nudge on the arm, to an all out punch to the face (or a kick in the crotch – but i digress) But seriously, how can you still think a guy likes you after he calls you a stupid b***h, tells you to burn in hell, and makes it clear hes trying to ignore you.
Oh my god, i think he loves you!!! The signs are all there!!!
(P-freaking-S : sarcasm)
I mean if it is true, theyre just trying to get your attention. Now the way to tell the difference – if they like you, they will STOP once they have your attention. If they keep going, then your attention is the last thig on their mind.
But teenagers really do have problems assessing the situation when it comes to this sort of thing. I mean, a girl can have three or four guys lined up for her approval, they like her so much, and one guy hates this girl and lets her know it full well; so instead of choosing the guys that like her – this idiot thinks to herself – wow – this guy hates me: that is so HOT!!! And guys do this too. Where are these people – gonna B**ch slap some sense into them!!!!!
Anyway – i reckon valentines is a stupid idea altogether. Should be called womans day. Chris Rock has pointed out that should a woman come empty handed to a man on Valentines, he gets along with it. Should a man come to a woman empty handed, he is thown of the top of the building. And even if he does bring somehing – say a rose? – meh – (what a surprise!!) expectations have risen mate. But give your girlfriend a rose on some random day of the year and the reaction is – OMG you shouldnt have. I think valentines was invented cos guys kept forgetting to give their girlfriends something, but then chicks got suspicious when they all get roses on the same day…
And for once, a rant by me has a moral
(1) Movies stay in movies, they dont work anywhere else
-
(with a quote from Rove)
(for more on this topic, scroll down and read, Highschool Celebrites. Another rant by me )
Its been a while since ive well…ranted? and there hasnt been much to rant about. Plenty to hate, nothing to rant about. Honestly, i left this site behind, considered it done…untill-i watched the news!!!! ANd honestly, those guys will to anything just to complete their time slot. They will load it with the biggest crap till the time ends. I mean, unless theres another 9/11 or something, theres no point watching the news past the first 15 minutes. And i dont mean shit as in random hollywood gossip, which, still, really shit, but at least that means someithing to those randoms who actually read gossip. I mean pointless, stupid, some idiot thought of while onthe toilet seat.
On the Chasers, this has been mentioned, and they pointed out the headlines: Unemployed women WANTS to have ten babies (wtf – i want throw another shoe at bush! ARREST ME) Senior womans dog kicked out of bingo ( omg – the half an hour togther theyve missed!!) but yesterday, i saw the biggest piece of shit of a report, and my mum said the sitcoms i watched were a waste of time…
‘The Beards are Back!!’ was the headline. It said that because hugh jackman, cloony, and brad pitt had beards, all of a sudden all aussie men had beards. They asked a woman ‘important to the world of gossip’ (dumbasses) on her opion and she said beards were a sexy turn on. Then they asked the public whether they thought beards were ‘sexy’. One out of many asked said yes. Then they asked many men and women on whether or not ‘beards were back’, and everybody said no.
So to conclude, the report was about how beards had suddenly become so popular and sexy, and at the end of the report the conclusion was drawn that they were neither back or sexy.
1st of all, who the hell gives half a crap on whether or not some OTHER people are giving their opinion on beards. What it really comes down to in the end is what U think.
Dumbasses…
Everyone loves to see someone else get humiliated. Sometimes we want revenge, and love it even more. And pranks/practical jokes are the best way to humiliaite. Though sometimes, people arent very good at pulling pranks and heres the place to be for improvement.
The number one rule to pulling a prank is well – be able to bullshit. Make up a belivable story and stick with it no matter what. Keep changing the story and the gig is up. Sometimes making a story just a teeny bit unbelivable makes it seem more belivable cos some people think that the perfect story is TOO perfect and its fake – and it usuallly is…
Rule number 2 is dont do something TOO cruel – coz the victem isnt going to rest until they find who did it. And when they do…its war
And thats basically it. Here are a few pranks that are hilarious but wont get you into much trouble (some require a few lies):
1. Rub a pepper/chilli on a doorknob you know your victem will touch (eg their room) When they open the door, nothing happens – until they touch their eyes. (If you see theyre about to wash their hands, then to make them touch their eyes you can say theres an eyelash on their eyes – or show them something wrong, scary or gruesome untill they try to cover their eyes etc) Or if you want, and the doorknob is the round type that you twist – rub it with vasaline and make it almost impossible to turn.
2. Go to (preferably a girl) and ask/bet them if they can make their elbows meet behind their back.This looks hilarious – specially if they make frequent attempts. (if you dont get it – try infront of a mirror)
3. Get a long rope and tell your friend you are measuring something and require their assitance. Tell them to hold one end of the rope and take the other end around a corner. Then tell someone else to hold the other end. See how long it takes them to figure out whats going on.
4. When your victem is sun-bathing or trying to tan, wait until they leave, move their towel and dig a hole. Place the towel ontop and wait until they try to lie down again…
5. Get a plain chocolate bar – a solid bar of just plain chocolate and drop it in a swimming pool. Allow it to melt a little and it begins to look like a peice of shit. For more laughs, while people are looking and pointing, pick it up and take a bite.
6. Buy a life-like baby doll and put it on the roof of your car. Put earphones in your ears and ignore the people yelling STOP STOP (i recomend this to people who can actually drive)
7. Buy one of those universal remotes that can change the channel on any TV. Walk into a store that has hundreds of tvs thats display movies and shit. Change the channels of the TVs without anyone noticing. Extra laughs come when its a TV that is meant to distract little kids while their parents shop.
8. Fill a bucket with water and one with confetti. Walk towards your friend with both buckets. Allow some of the water to spill to show that one at least has water. Then walk up to them and pour the confetti on them. Theyll be expecting water…reactions are pretty funny.
9. Get a glass and fill it with water, perfectly to the top. Place a card over it and flip it over wihout any water spilling. Slide the card out from underneath and make it look like your waiting for the galss to dry. Ask your friend to lift it up and check if its dry yet.
10. Stare at someone you know likes you, with a really dreamy look on your face. Keep going a few seconds after the notice then say something like: “What you looking at ugly” or “Sorry you have this thing or your face, its funny” or if you want to be cruel: “Huh, what. Oh i was looking at this really hot chick/guy behind you….”
11. Cut out a piece of black tape the same size as the sensor on your TV. Put it ON the sensor of your TV. Watch something you know your siblings hate and watch them try to figure out how to change the channel. (in the end they will end up changing it manually)
12. Fill a glass with water and hold it up agianst the roof(use a chair or something) Tell your friend to help you with your ‘science experiment’ by using the end of a broom to hold the glass in place. If/when he/she agrees, get down, take away the chair and leave him to figure out how to move without drenching evrthing with water.
Feel free to add more
Dumb people, victems to countless jokes and pranks. They say dumb things, they do dumb things, and we help them along the way. Im not calling myself a genius (so many people would kill me if i did) but there are some -not very quick people- I like to ‘help‘ get through school.
Sometimes, people dont need help, to do something stupid, and my friend, now nicknamed the 5-step disaster, knows this quite well. In visual art, we are painting our landscapes, a normal, dull lesson, until this guy, gets up for more paint. First, he walks too close to the table, and gets white paint smeared all over his BLACK jumper and grey pants. He doesnt notice. He picks up a bottle of red paint, and then sees his pants. He bends down to look at the damage and sticks his head in blue paint in the process. He jolts up and squeezes the bottle in anger or suprise (i dont know, ask him) and squirts red paint all over the white shirt of the girl behind him. As he turns around to apologize, he almost knocks down the table with the paints. Almost. Damn…
Some people just dont realize their doing something dumb until its pointed out to them. On my bus, these two girls were pretty much screaming their conversation, and me and my friends, werent further than 2 meters away. One of them asks a really dumb question and me overhearing, couldnt help but point out the obvious answer. She stares at me and says i shouldnt listen to others peoples conversations, and i say that i wouldnt have heard your dumb question if you werent so damn LOUD! She practically whispers ‘im not loud…’ I stare at her and sarcastically ask, ‘what?’ Louder, she says ‘Im not Loud!’ Again, i shrug. She yells, IM NOT LOUD! I turn to my friend, “did you hear that” i ask. She gets up and screams in my ear – “IM NOT LOUD” and an older student from the other side of the bus gets up and yells, ‘SHUTTUP YOU LOUD B***H!!! She got the point and sat down.
Another time, in class, we were put into groups of 5 to complete a set task. Halfway through, a member of my group insists on adding something thats kinda unneccasary, and its (not gonna lie here) really girly for a group that has of 3 boys. I disagree, she persists. I still disagree. She persists again, and right around now the words from ‘Wipeout’ were going through my mind: If you fail the first time…just do the exact same thing again. Then she ask for a vote. I agreed, figured id get it over and done with. She told the group and they voted 2/3. 2 for, 3 against. She lost. But some people just dont take no for an answer. She accused the other 2 of ‘taking sides’. At this point, no one can help but point out the reason for taking votes, is to in fact, take sides. After a momentary silence, she says theyre not ‘taking sides’, theyre taking sides. I show my confusion and laugh. She calls over the teacher, and tells her that were taking sides against her and being sexist. I tell the teacher that we voted, hence her taking sides acusation, and the teacher laughs. She says to vote again, and then apologetically to the girl – majority rules.
If you look at my other post, WE HATE THE PEOPLE, Youll find some more stupid people.
But, its even funnier when dumb people succeed. The 5 step disaster guy can tell u that. Once, the teacher leaves the room, and everyone ends up talking. But then she comes back, and everyone shuts up up except for that guy. All you can hear is him, saying, ‘…then he bowled it really fast, but i smashed it and hit a six-oh-sorry miss- im just talking about sceince stuff.’ And by some miracle the teacher says, ‘Ok, good work, but try not to be so loud.’ And she wasnt kidding! She ACTUALLY bough it!!!! But its not as bad as the time someone yelled out ‘Pedophile!!’ and passed it off as paper file. But the #1 -give a dumb excuse and get away with it- has to be the time a guy acussed someone of masturbating and the teacher heard. He then said that he did nothing worng and had simply said: Man, I ate. The teacher did not exactly buy it, but had no proof against it, so he let him go.
But its not only dumb people who have dumb moments, a not so dumb guy made a mistake, which was well, graphic, in its way… He is chosen to act out a movie in sharades. He gets STAR WARS. He really cant be bothered to put much effort, so he makes 2 fists, places them ontop of each other down low infront of himself, and mimes unsheathing a sword. Then some wrong minded guy in te back of the class bursts out laughing. The rest of the class and the teacher, well, caught the drift and laughed as well. After recovering, the teacher says, you wanna try that again? But try not to be so graphic guys…
But when people screw up speech, it is hilarious to the people listening. For example, my friend brings a hungry jacks burger for lunch-which was right after we had a talk about globalisation (about companies like mcdonalds) and my other friend come up and says, “hey, how come you get hungry macks – i mean happy jacks – i mean -wait… HUNGRY JACKS! Hey shuttup, im thinking mcdonalds/Hungry jacks and happy meals all at the same time!” But we were to busy laughing to listen…
But dumb people arent completely useless. They can be manipulated in times of need. Like once, im doing a test, when the guy next to me starts copying me. I tell to pee off, but he just stares at me balnkly, and says im not (which of you think about it, just saying that gives it away, cos i sed piss off, not stop copying) I repeat, but he just stubbornly insists he wasnt doing anything. The guy behind me backs me up and says he saw him, untill the teacher calls us all up for talking. Now i know that the guy is impulsive. So i tell the teacher what happened, but said that he copied my whole sheet, and wouldnt stop after several polite requests to stop (exageration) to which the guys yells out ‘WHAT THE F@# – i mean – heck…’ The teacher forgets about the whole talking problem, tells us to sit back down, and tells the guy off for swearing.
I know it was cruel, but i didnt FORCE him to swear. He did that all on his own. Plus, i told nothing but the truth, all i did was put my self in better light, even though the first thing i said to him was – Piss off.
Lastly im gonna add MY dumb moments. Everyone screws up their speech, or says something wrong, but this time, there was the WORST possible timing, which, well has hilarious results.
My friend had this habbit of taking photos of people when they werent expecting it and usually got funny resluts. Once, im talking, and see him in the corner of my eye. I turn and say ‘Piss off man’ just as he snaps the photo. He looks at the image and pisses himself laughing. I look confused. Had he still succeeded in snapping up a funny face? i ask to look and he says only if i dont delete it. i agree. Turns out, he got the photo just as i said the ‘O’ of ‘off’ and i blinked at that exact second. Now i have some stoner face in mid yawn with my eyes closed. But i laughed too. Anyone lucky enough to snap a photo at perfect timing lik that – deserves to keep it. Ill add it here if i can.
But anyways, have you, or anyone you know had a dumb moment?
[Last updated on: 18/01/09]
